No matter where or how your family is birthing, there are many ways that partners can provide invaluable support during labor and birth. This article is meant to offer ideas, encouragement, and options for you to explore with your partner (ideally, before labor), so that you feel as prepared as possible to support them through the birthing journey.

If you choose to have a doula (which we highly recommend) or another support person present, there are ways they can and will collaborate with you, the partner, and the birthing person on some of these roles. There’s plenty to do and hold (emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes physically) in a birth room, and you may each take on different roles or swap with one another throughout the process.

10 Key Ways to Support Your Partner During Labor and Birth

1. 1. Focus on nourishment. From water, to electrolytes, to protein-rich meals, to energy-packed snacks, the birthing person may need reminders and cues to nourish. Additionally, YOU need to be nourished. As your due date is approaching, build a snack bag that you can take on the go with you with snacks for both of you. Ideas include: beef jerky, trail mix, smoothie pouches, protein bars, coconut water, bone broth, electrolyte mixes, and other non-perishable foods. We also recommend making a list of some perishable foods you might have to have on hand to pack in a cooler the day of the birth, too. Things like pasta salads, sandwiches, and cheese sticks can be helpful! Additionally, ensure the birthing person has a water bottle with a straw that you can simply bring to their lips between contractions. In early labor, encourage a protein-rich meal. As labor progresses, they’ll likely only be able to stomach snacks and small handfuls of things, but you can keep offering every few hours.
   2. Take charge of communications. Communications during labor may include calls to the midwife or OB, texts and calls with the doula, family and friend updates, etc. It can be helpful to discuss the “to update” list prior to labor so that everyone is on the same page about expectations.
   3. Time contractions. While you don’t need to time contractions from the start of labor until baby arrives, it can be helpful to use a timer occasionally to get a sense of whether contractions are getting longer, stronger, and closer together. You may use this info to communicate with care providers and doulas, and they may offer guidance on what to look out for and how/when to use the timer.
   4. Advocate for birthing preferences. If you and your partner have created a birth preferences sheet (sometimes called a birth plan), you can be in charge of getting this to the care provider(s). We suggest bringing 3 copies along. Verbally point out any key priorities or requests. As things unfold, if you feel that something is not being honored or things are moving quickly, you might say something like “I think we might need a pause to understand our options.” or “Can we get a bit more information before we decide?”. If you have a birth doula, they can certainly help with advocacy.
   5. Help protect the vibes. Keep the lights down low, set up the twinkly lights, and get the music started (if your partner wants it). If/when too many people are in the room or if providers are talking too quickly, you might ask for a break or “five minutes to think it through.” If your partner is napping, you can ask for less interruptions, if possible.
   6. Offer physical comfort and support. Birthing people each have unique ways they want support, and this can change throughout the labor and birthing process. They may like massage or light touch at some points, while at other points they need strong hip squeezes. They may just need a hand to hold. Your physical presence can offer strength, steadiness, comfort, and support throughout the labor and birthing process.
   7. Encourage slow breaths and low sounds. When things get intense, it can be difficult to maintain a steady breath. If you notice your partner breathing quickly or making high, screaming-like sounds, they may need some support to slow things down. Model and emphasize slow, steady breaths and/or low moaning sounds or cue them to “take 3 slow, deep breaths”.
   8. Use words of affirmations. If your partner picked out some mantras or affirmations they want to recall and focus on during labor, one of your jobs may be to occasionally recite these. Additionally, you may offer praise, encouragement, and loving words as the navigate the journey of birth. Sometimes partners may also be asked to tell distracting stories of past life highlights or memories together. 
   9. Just be you! Let yourself be yourself! This may mean that your sense of humor shows up or your tears show up– or likely both. Your partner loves you for you, so it’s important to let your personality be present on birthing day. They will tell you if they need a different vibe.
   10. Don’t take things personally. As mentioned above, very often, birthing people will offer very direct feedback. “Stop doing that.” “Hold your hand here.” and so on. Your job is to take the feedback and move on. None of it is personal, and it doesn’t mean that you are doing a bad job. You’ve got this! 

ABG is Here for You

As always, we are here to support your growing family! Join us in class or reach out about birth doula support Asheville! It’s an honor to support your growing family.

*Photo Credit: John Looy on Unsplash