If you’re preparing to bring a new sibling into the family, an important part of your postpartum planning will be centered on the older children’s needs. Furthermore, your adjustment home with the new baby will involve navigating a range of different needs and dynamics. This article addresses some of the challenges you may face, as well as ideas for navigating this big transition.
The Parents’ Needs and Adjustments
Adding a sibling (or two) to your family can bring up some familiar challenges, and there will certainly be some new challenges. You may experience the relatively common concerns about learning to feed with a new baby, adjusting to smaller chunks of sleep with a newborn’s feeding schedule, needing more rest and time in bed or the couch, and managing household tasks like laundry and dishes when you’re feeding, diapering, and napping around the clock.
In addition, you will be figuring out changing family roles and dynamics. You’ll be learning how to tend to older child(ren), while focusing on your recovery and bonding with your newborn(s).
In addition to all of these logistical elements, there are the questions…
- “Can I love a new baby as much as my older one?”
- “Can I make time to give both/all the attention they deserve?”
- “Will I ever sleep again?”
- “How do I tend to myself?”
- “How do I help my older child/children adjust to being a big sister/brother?”
We recommend spending time processing these questions with a partner, friend, therapist, and/or postpartum doula. You’ll find some practical salutations to these questions, as you take things one step at a time, and you will also need to offer yourself plenty of compassion and space to feel your feelings and move through the bigness of the transition.
The Siblings’ Needs and Adjustments
In complete transparency, from our own personal experience and our years of working with growing families, the early weeks of having a new baby at home can be trying for your older children. We share this not to scare you, but to be honest and to normalize the growing pains.
Sometimes older siblings will mimic behaviors of the newborn or some “regression” of skills, such as toileting or sleep. When the environment shifts, your kids’ needs will also shift, and with time, compassion, and practice your family will be able to get into new routines.
How to Best Prepare for the Birth of a New Sibling
- Before baby comes, develop the habit of spending one-on-one time with your older child(ren) on a regular basis. It may be just 5-20 minutes; however, regularity and consistency matters! Let your child lead this time. Watch their favorite show together, read a book, color pictures, take a walk, etc.
- Once baby comes, create routines that include time with the older kids. The newborn may join in, but the older child will still be your focus. Examples include bedtime routines, bath time, mealtimes, and so on.
- Before baby arrives and once they’re home, talk about how babies act, the care they need, and the amount of time they require, and read age-appropriate books about new babies. It often helps siblings to have a baby doll of their own to care for.
- Build/maintain your support system. Spend time (and make sure the older child spends time) with the people who support you. Make sure your child feels comfortable with whoever will be caring for them during the birth if they will be staying with someone else. Your support system can include folks who are friends, family, neighbors, childcare/school, and paid professionals.
- Take care of YOU. Prioritize your rest as much as possible. Yes, we still love the cliche sleep when baby is sleeping. The first few weeks after welcoming a new baby is the best time to accept ALL offers of help! Do you have a family member who’s willing to pick up your older kids from school? Yes, please! Are your friends offering to bring hot meals (or even to drop them off a cooler on your front porch!)? Wonderful–dinner is served! Meal trains and shared google calendars can be game-changers for keeping these details organized.
- Consider what types of paid help might benefit your family. This is a great time to have a housekeeper come! You may want to explore hiring a postpartum doula to support your whole family with learning how to integrate a new baby into your lives. (Note: you’ll want to book this care ASAP during pregnancy.) Other support may include a sibling doula, a nanny or babysitter, childcare, meal prep services, and laundry services.
- Create specific activities for older sibling(s) to engage with during feedings or when baby is needing higher levels of attention. This might be a basket or box that you only bring out during these moments. We suggest including books, toys, and activities and updating the box every month or so.
ABG is Here for You
Your parenting journey matters deeply to us at Austin Baby Guru! We are here to offer support, ideas, and referrals as your family plans for and navigates life with a new sibling. We invite you to reach out if you need help preparing for baby.
This is a refresh of our original blog, published on Jul 6, 2018.
*Photo credit Chayene Rafaela on Unsplash
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