One of the things that causes new parents so much stress is lack of sleep. It can contribute to postpartum mood disorders, such as anxiety and depression. It can make parents question if they are doing a good job. I am sure you are, but in big life transitions (such as welcoming a new baby into the family) we all have those doubts! The lack of sleep can make it hard to heal from pregnancy and birth.
Infants naturally have very different sleep cycles than adults. They tend to have 40-45 min sleep cycles, compared to our 90-minute cycles. No wonder new parents are so tired! On top of that, newborns need to be fed approximately every 3 hours or whenever they ask for the first week or two–until they have returned to their birth weight.
How to Prioritize Your Sleep with a Newborn
For the first couple of weeks, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get help. This could be a friend, relative, or a postpartum doula, and we encourage families to think through this need as they create a postpartum plan. Ideally, you will have someone to spot you during the night; someone to do all baby-related duties besides breastfeeding, if this is how you are choosing to feed baby. This helps you maximize the amount of sleep you get in between feeding sessions.
If you are on your own, unable to bring in outside help, or choose not to, you can still make this work! If you are comfortable bedsharing, then it is relatively easy to bring baby to you for feedings, change their diaper as needed on your bed, and ease them back to sleep. I recommend taking an infant safety class that covers safe bedsharing before baby comes. If you have a partner, they can help you with all of the non-feeding duties during the night, again, maximizing the amount of sleep you get between feeds!. In this case, it can be helpful if your partner is able to set aside time to nap before you head to bed.
Once baby has regained birth weight, I always encourage parents to start the 5 sleep steps. If you choose to do a CIO or cry it out “sleep training,” most pediatricians recommend waiting until the baby is at least 4-6 months old. However, you can do a lot to encourage good sleep habits with sleep conditioning from the first few weeks. This mostly means training yourselves to slow down in your response time and to focus on creating a good environment for sleep.
Tips for Creating a Quality Sleep Environment
- Stop waking baby during the night for feedings, unless your pediatrician asks you to continue for a health reason. Continue to wake baby if needed during the day so that you do not go over 4 hours without a feed. This will help baby move their calorie intake to daytime hours. To clarify, follow baby’s cues when they ask to eat; just do not let them go over 4 hours without a feed.
- Make sure that baby is getting enough to eat. Again, during the day, try to feed baby eats at least every four hours, so that you can start to stretch the time between feeds during the night.
- Set the stage for sleep. Consider a bedtime between 6-8pm. Young children tend to do best with an early bedtime. I believe this is because their natural circadian rhythms start earlier until they are closer to 6 or 7 years old.
- Develop a short bedtime routine. Keep the routine 5-15 minutes, as anything longer is too entertaining and stimulating. Include the last feed, turn on a sound machine, dim the lights, etc. When putting baby down for bed, move them out of the living room or whatever room you will be hanging out awake in. We often suggest that you take that first 3 hours or so of their sleep to spend time alone or with your partner! They will often wake again around 10 or 11pm. At this waking, follow the 5 sleep steps. Each time you interact with them, be quiet and BORING. Meet their needs, but do not stimulate or excite them, if possible.
- Aim for a 12 hours of sleep per night. In the beginning, this will be interpreted sleep, of course. As you use the 5 sleep steps and baby develops better sleep patterns, they will gradually drop night wakings.
- Develop a morning routine. When it is time to get up, be cheerful and playful. Turn off the sound machine, turn on the lights or open the curtains, change baby out of their PJs, or un-swaddle them.
Every Baby and Every Family is Different
Many of our client babies will be sleeping through the night or waking just 1 time by the time they are 3-4 months old. If you are bedsharing, babies will often wake more often because it is the biological norm. The advantage is that you can often just sleep through a night feeding if you are breast or chestfeeding. Of course, every baby is unique, so the age at which your baby will sleep through the night will vary. In any case, please be kind and gentle with yourself and your baby as you all work together to ensure good sleep for everyone.
If you would like to address sleep, either prenatally, in preparation, or once baby is here, please reach out for a virtual consultation. And if you are looking to hire a postpartum doula, we would be honored to support your growing family!
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