In light of Hurricane Helene and Hurricane Milton, we are sitting with the complexities of parenting during a disaster. As an agency that supports growing families, we acknowledge the unique challenges that occur when life transitions overlap with crisis and disaster.

Allison, the founder of ABG, is based out of Asheville, and she is witnessing this daily in her community. We hope this blog can be a gentle landing place for support, resources, and understanding. If you are living in the wake of disaster, this is for you, and, likewise, if you are living outside of the South, this blog is for you, too.

Emotional Self-Care

You may be out of work, your home may be an unsafe place to live, your kid is out of school, and perhaps you’ve gone days without power or a shower. Or you may be one of the Lucky Ones, those of us who did not take a direct hit of losing someone or dealing with property damage. You may be feeling grateful yet guilty, incredibly lucky but disconnected and lonely. No matter what you are experiencing, there is a lot on your plate. What you are facing and/or witnessing may be described as trauma, and, in many cases, you are living with and in the trauma day after day. Big breath. And then another one. And then another one. Below are some ideas for tending to your emotional self-care as you and your family navigate this difficult time. We know that not all of these ideas will be accessible or align with your preferences. As always, use what works, throw out the rest, and edit as you need or wish.

1. 1. Rely on community. We aren’t meant to do this life alone, and when we are living in difficult and unstable circumstances, it becomes even clearer how much we need one another. Do your best to ask for help and to receive it. Friends and family who are not directly living through crisis may be able to give of their time to research or apply for FEMA. They can look into community resources that you may need to access for formula, food, and so on (see below for some of the initiatives we know about). Nearby friends who are not parenting may be able to help with childcare. Be creative in your asks! This is the time when you may even take “strangers” up on their offers of using their homes and resources to shower, wash clothes, use the wifi or even take a nap in a safe environment.
   2. Tend to your capacity for information and to-do lists. When you are feeling overwhelmed with details, take a break. Even if it’s for 5 minutes. In a state of urgency and emergency, we often can’t slow down for long; however, as much as we are able, it’s important to pause. Try your best to avoid doom scrolling, too, as this can lead to fatigue.
   3. Get mental health support. While it may seem that there’s no time to have a therapy session, this may be an important act of self-care. Very often, folks living through a disaster are in shock or a state of sustained hypervigilance, and therapy can be an important outlet. Postpartum Support International is a hub for mental health support specifically for the perinatal period.
   4. Honor your children’s feelings and needs. Kids are very likely experiencing the same emotional roller coaster you are experiencing, and depending on their ages and abilities, they may not understand what’s happening. Check out this post for signs of distress to look out for and tend to. This document, Tips for Talking With and Helping Children and Youth Cope After a Disaster or Traumatic Event, may also be a resource.
   5. Be aware of the emotional life cycle of disaster. Oftentimes it can help to have words to describe what we are feeling and witnessing. These six phases of a disaster may help you understand some of the shifts and changes you are experiencing as you live through a crisis. 
   6. Grieve. This is going to be a layered and ongoing process, and we all grieve differently. That said, find ways to mourn losses (big and small). Grief practices can include taking a moment to pray or meditate, putting your hand on your heart and scanning your body, crying with a friend, dancing or moving your body however it wishes or needs to be moved, and singing.
   7. Extend so much compassion to yourself and others. You might experience survivor’s guilt or complicated feelings about tending to your own needs when there are others with even greater needs. Be super compassionate with yourself and one another as you navigate these feelings. Process them with trusted folks as you can. Your needs are valid, just as your neighbors’ needs are valid. It’s not a competition. 

Resources for Folks Living in Western North Carolina (WNC) and Beyond

• Reproductive Care Disaster Relief. There is a large network of birth workers and other folks from around the region who are standing by to help connect birthing families with midwifery care, full spectrum doula support, housing, transportation, gasoline, cooked meals, groceries, water, and more! 
• Perinatal Hurricane Helene Care and Resource Guide Community. This is a list of care options for birthing people, as well as statuses of perinatal care providers in the area. This document offers resources for folks in North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, and Tennessee.
• Free therapy. This spreadsheet lists folks who are offering pro bono sessions for survivors in Western North Carolina.
• Infant Safety and Feeding Documents from the CDC.
• Tips for Safe Infant Feeding in Disasters for formula and breast-fed babies.
• Emergency Relief for Survivors of Hurricane Helene. This doc includes FEMA application info, shelters, missing person reports, livestock and pet aid, and more for folks throughout the South/Southeast.
• Hurricane Helene Housing Needs. Fill out this form to help us match your housing needs with available homes in the High Country.
• Water Safety after Flooding. Practical tips for water safety for your family when clean tap water isn’t available.
• Toilets in Asheville: a crowdsourced google map of public toilets & porta potties, laundry facilities, showers and handwashing stations in areas without running water in the aftermath of Helene.
• Breastmilk supply hubs in WNC. Check Taylor Broussard’s IG page regularly for updated posts and information. 
• 505 Main Street Canton. A “free market” and mutual aid hub.
• Haywood’s Outdoor Pantries. A community effort to address local food insecurities

Ways to Support Folks in Western North Carolina

• Donate. Give to on-the-ground organizations and mutual aid collectives.
  • In Asheville, these are a few vetted options:
    • Beloved Asheville
    • Reproductive Care Disaster Relief
    • Rural Organizing and Resilience
    • World Central Kitchen has shown up in WNC, too.
  • See this post for mutual aid groups throughout the areas of the South that have been impacted.
• Help parents get information for feeding their babies. Check out these safe infant feeding guidelines for donations and volunteers.
• Volunteer. Please consult this guide for how to safely volunteer, if this is something you have capacity for and proximity to.
• Share resources and information. Whether via direct text or email or on your social media, help spread information to the folks who need it the most. Here’s an “outsiders guide on how to help Western North Carolina.”

ABG is Here for You

We are here to support your growing family. If you’re local to Asheville and seeking support, reach out. It’s an honor to support your growing family. You may also like to browse our blog for other free, accessible support as you navigate pregnancy and postpartum.   *Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.