Last month, we posted about some of our favorite date night ideas for folks with new babies. This month, we want to dial it in a little more and explore ways to connect with your partner after you welcome baby into your family and why this is so important. 

Major Life Transitions

Life transitions can be intense and altering in countless ways. One way to tend to transitions is to slow down– as best as you can in the midst of so much shift. Make space before and after baby arrives to process your thoughts and feelings, which may be a bit of a mashup. Give yourself extra time to do everything, whether that’s extra time to get out the door for an appointment or to stand in a hot shower or to text a friend. Schedule less and commit to less so that you have more space to be present with yourself through the transition.

An important part of going slow is tending to your partnership. A new baby means changes and new roles for everyone in the family, so it’s imperative that both partners give the relationship extra time, attention, and tenderness. During the initial postpartum period conflicts can be increased, and being intentional about the relationship can be an antidote. When partners feel like they are on the same page, when they feel seen, heard, and appreciated, there is a strong foundation of trust and ease that will support the family through their transition. 

Ways to Connect with Your Partner Once Baby is Here

1. 1. Create simple daily rituals. These may be rituals that you enjoyed before baby, or they may need to be something new. We suggest starting with something quite simple, such as cuddling for 10 minutes before bedtime or sitting together for morning coffee. The rituals may need to be flexible as far as timing goes, especially because you may be sleeping or caregiving in shifts.
   2. Leave notes for one another to find. Again, because time together may be more disjointed, you can find connection even in moments when you are not physically together. You can leave notes anywhere– the coffee maker, the changing table, the bathroom mirror, the steering wheel, and so on. 
   3. Practice gratitude and/or affirmations. Using words (verbally or in notes, like #2), name the ways you are grateful for your partner and how they are showing up. If your partner enjoys words of affirmation, this can be especially helpful in letting them know that you recognize the hard work they are doing in navigating early parenthood.
   4. Communicate needs and requests. If needs or requests get swept under the rug for too long, they can erupt or result in disconnect and resentment. We recommend bringing up needs and requests earlier than later, while also working to address them when you are centered and not activated, if possible. Needs and requests can also be something to address in family meetings (see #5).
   5. Make time to check in. More formally, have brief family meetings. We often recommend starting this practice prenatally as a way to look at the week ahead. The check in may include practical components such as discussing schedules (appointments, visitors, etc.) and household needs. It can be nice to make space to share a rose and a thorn from the week too (or a highlight and a challenge). It’s best to keep meetings around 20 minutes or so.
   6. Go on dates. Of course, as we said in our last blog, there’s no rush to be out in the world during your first month postpartum. However, as you are ready, resuming regular dates– say, biweekly or so– can be an important way to tend to the relationship. You may bring baby or choose to have childcare. A 30 minute ice cream date or a walk around the park count! 
   7. Seek support. Couples counseling or therapy can be a container that you and your partner carve out for connection. This may be something you seek proactively or simply to have accountability in holding this space for the relationship, or it may feel like a more urgent need. There are providers who specialize in perinatal health and parenting, so this may be a good place to start.
   8. Take a class together. Some classes are ideal to take prenatally, while others are for early parenting. Discuss ideas, options, and needs together to find a class that feels like a good fit for your family. For folks who are local to Austin, we highly recommend Love Strong After Baby, a Gottman-based offering by a postpartum doula and licensed professional counselor. If you are outside of Austin, you might like to look into other Bringing Baby Home Trainings by googling this name and the name of your city/state. 

ABG is Here for You

We are here to support you as you navigate early postpartum and parenting. Join us in class or reach out about in-home postpartum services! It’s an honor to support your growing family.

*Photo credit: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash