The journey of becoming a parent is a massive one. We don’t say this to scare you, but, instead, to support you in honoring and normalizing the bigness of this transition. We all come to parenting in different ways, but one thing that I have observed to be true for nearly all parents I work with is that becoming a parent means a shift in identity. Furthermore, this shift impacts ANYONE who is becoming a parent– gestational parents and non gestational parents– and folks of any gender.

When you become a parent, not only are you possibly taking on new names like “mama,” “baba,” “daddy” and sharing your home with a new, small human– you are adding a layer to your identity. Being a parent is an all-encompassing role, one that requires vast amounts of resources including time, energy, attention, care, money, and more. In this article, we are offering ideas for honoring the identity shifts you may experience as you navigate this exciting, beautiful, and sometimes challenging transition.

Note that even people who are already parenting may go through additional identity shifts if/when other children are added to the family. 

6 Ways to Honor the Identify Shift of Becoming a Parent

1. Consider essential parts of yourself/your life that you want to maintain as you become a parent. Are there habits or rituals that make you feel like you? How can you plan to prioritize the most important ones as you go through this transition? Even if you can’t do these things with the same frequency or at the same times, it’s important to maintain activities that support you in being a whole person with needs and desires.
2. Envision what it will be like to be a parent. Bring your senses in. What does it feel like? Smell like (lol)? Sound like? And so on. Maybe you’d like to write about this or create a visual or just spend some time imagining it. Allow yourself to anticipate the joys and the challenges, and notice how you feel in your body as you do this. Revisit this vision as often as you’d like. This is something you can do prenatally, as well as once baby is here. The vision can grow and change as you and your family do. 
3. Make a self-care menu for yourself. It may be helpful to make a list of self-care practices prenatally so that it’s easier to access this information when you need it most. Consider practices that offer support for you mentally, physically, emotionally, and socially. For example, a coffee date with a friend may fall under the social category, and a bubble bath may be physical. Tending to yourself through small acts of care help you honor where and how you are. 
4. Have a processing or accountability buddy. It can be helpful to have a go-to person to check in with about changes you are experiencing. You may be celebrating or grieving and everything in between or everything all at once. This could be a mental health processional, a postpartum doula, a partner, and/or a friend. You may have a team of folks, which is great too! Self-check-ins via journaling or meditation or another form of expression can be great outlets as well!
5. Make time for joy and lightness during postpartum. Check out our latest blog for 5 ideas that don’t involve toxic positivity. 
6. Grieve what you need to grieve. There may be parts of your life or identity that you lose or that get put on hold as you navigate this transition of becoming a parent. Grief is a normal human emotion, and grief rituals, or ways of expressing and moving through the grief, are valuable practices. Instead of forging ahead and acting like everything is “okay,” we encourage you to notice and honor the changes that you are experiencing. This could be done by creating a small altar space you tend to, processing with a trusted person, making art about the shifts, or anything else that gives you space to feel any feelings you have about the losses or shifts you’re going through.

ABG is Here for You

Your experience matters deeply to us at Austin Baby Guru. We are here to support you in navigating the interesting and complex transition of becoming a parent. Please reach out if you’d like to explore these ideas more deeply in a consultation or to book postpartum care in-person or virtually.

*photo credit: Misael Moreno on Unsplash