We’ve been having lots of conversations lately with parents about navigating the delicate, important, complex, and beautiful work of parenting. Many people spend lots of time and resources preparing for the transition of birth or adoption, and then, suddenly, it’s time to parent. Like, do the verb, not just be the noun. Whew! This is big work. 

Whether you are doing this solo or with a partner, there’s a lot to navigate. Today we are going to get into how you can navigate differences in parenting styles and preferences.

Parenting is for the Long-Term

The work of parenting never ends. We don’t say that to scare you, but to give you hope. It’s a process, a journey; something you tend to long-term. This means that it’s never too late to get curious, make changes, set new intentions, and so on.

As your baby grows, they will have different needs, and this means you have to adjust and change, too. A ton of flexibility is required throughout the parenting process. AND it’s important to prioritize building consistency as your family grows. For example, when your baby experiences a “sleep regression” (a.k.a. jump in development), you may begin to make some changes, such as re-evaluating awake windows, while also focusing on a consistent bedtime and nap time routine with similar steps each time. 

The changes will keep coming! Month after month and year after year. Thus, developing your own parenting practices is key.

Create a Space to Focus on Parenting

One of our favorite practices is holding family meetings. If you aren’t doing it already, we recommend carving out time to reflect on your parenting journey on a regular basis– weekly or biweekly. Family meetings can be highly valuable, as they create the container for your family to celebrate wins, work through challenges, and get on the same page. Family meetings can include other partners, co-parents, and/or caregivers, like grandparents or nannies, as relevant.

Family meetings should not be hours and hours long. Instead, we suggest limiting them to 20-40 minutes or so. You can keep a white board on the fridge so that family members can add “agenda items” to the board. When you sit down, together, pick the most pressing topics to address and work towards a plan for what happens after the meeting. If, for example, one topic is “introducing solids,” you might create an action plan to do some research and reconvene the next week to discuss curiosities, questions, and learnings.

That said, it’s really sweet if you can add in rituals around the meeting. This could be ordering take out before the chat, a long, intentional hugs after the meeting, or anything else that feels fun and/or connecting. 

Once your kid(s) is old enough, they will get to join in the family meeting too! The meetings will take a different shape once kids are involved, but, again, the container is already created!

Other Strategies for Navigating the Journey of Parenting

Some of the ideas below, and even family meetings, may not be practical in the first few weeks or months of parenting. Your recovery and rest are important! That said, we highly recommend working towards these strategies as you feel ready.

• Prioritize self-time. Your trips to the gym (not in the first few months please!), FaceTime chats, coffee dates, solo reading time matter. Create plans and systems with your family unit that prioritize self-care time for all caregivers. 
• Connect with other parents. Find community! Check out our list of parent groups in Austin here.  
• Take classes, read books, etc. Don’t try to take allllll the classes or read allllll the books, but throughout your parenting journey, it can be helpful to plug in to different resources. I always tell parents that if you read one parenting book, please read three. It can be really easy to start questioning your own intuition when weighed against one expert. When you read at least three books, it becomes clear that even the experts disagree! If you are partnered, choose and participate together or take turns selecting the next class or book. Make time to process and integrate the new information together.
• Seek professional support as needed. If you are feeling stuck or you and your partner are at a standstill or in sustained conflict, it can be really helpful to seek therapy for support. Another option is to connect with a Parenting Coach that can help you talk through options and figure out what you feel works best for your family.
• Don’t forget date nights! If you are partnered, make time to just be with one another. If you are single and interested in dating, schedule time for these connections.
• Focus on depersonalizing others’ opinions/ways of doing things. Your parents, partner, friends, or anyone else out there may have different opinions or ways of doing things than you do. Do your best to not take their communications personally, while also tending to your own boundaries. 
• Do a chore audit. If you are partnered or live with other adults, check in about the division of household and child-focused labor. Check out the book Fair Play + associated resources!
• Process the process. Share what parenting is like for you with folks you trust. This could be friends, your journal, or a therapist or coach. Processing and reflecting individually can be really impactful in reaching clarity, depersonalizing, problem-solving, and so on.

ABG is Here for You

We want to support you as you prepare for and navigate parenthood. Check out our last blog specifically about early parenthood. We are here to offer doula support, classes, and referrals. We invite you to reach out!

*Photo credit: Nienke Burgers on Unsplash